stick a fork in me IM DONE

For so long I tried to figure out if it was me.And for what seems like forever, ive swept my emotions under the rug, just to keep things between us neat and tidy. No matter how many times I explain it to him he doesn’t understand. He keeps on saying “I don’t know what to do anymore” but I told him, its what he never did. He’s confused and thinks that us seeing each other will “fix” our problems. im realizing that he’s in love with my face.

He’s draining me emotionally and im running out of like. My “I loves you’s” are “I like you’s” because love comes from the heart; He stands on my heart putting pressure on it, causing it to burst.

And when it burst my mouth says what my heart’s been screaming all along.

I think I figured out today why I don’t use those words. I’m scared is what I tell him, I want to is what im thinking, “If you care about me you wont say it” is what my heart tells me.

Your heart operates everything in your body, your blood flow, your breathing your brain... I want to protect mine; because if I don’t I could malfunction. Repairs cost to much and its never really fixed, their just temporary; they just adjust it for the moment until the band aide starts to rip. He pressures me to Love to him claiming that’s all he needs from me, but what I need from him I don’t think ill ever get

MEMO TO SELF

LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR MOM ALWAYS TOLD YOU.

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

NEVER EVER COMPROMISE YOUR SELF!!

UNLESS IT BENEFITS YOU. ( SHRUGS SHOULDERS, THEN GO RIGHT AHEAD)

COMPROMISE-A SETTLEMENT OF DIFFERENCES

SELFISH-CONCERNED ONLY WITH ONES OWN INTEREST

IM SELFISH FOR NOT COMPROMISING MYSELF, AND IF COMPROMISING BENEFITS ME THEN IM NOT REALLY COMPROMISING. THEREFORE IM NOT REALLY SELFISH !!

THIS FEELS GOOD, I SHOULD STAND UP FOR MYSELF MORE OFTEN

LISTEN TO YOUR MOM

Out with the old in with the New

Business Management people!

Fall is here and although it was 80 somethin degrees today the leaves are falling and turning nice warm colors. It def. sets the mood for sexy warm sweaters scarfs boots n what not.

Im not a fashion freak or even a camera whore..HELL im not even a shop a holic BUT i do buy nice things that last me for a super long time and are offically are my favorite pieces. Ne who im kind of dissapointed (i know its spelled worng i can NEVER get it right)because this time last year I bought a few jackets and mine are better than what is out now!! Express is one of my favorite clothing stores, always fully stocked, great customer service, pleated pants, great quality..you get the idea. I never feel bad for spending in that store cause its always worth it but look at these.. havent you seen them before??

Express is a little behind, this black leather trench coat, was a sell out at BEBE last year. && this boring pink P coat doesnt even scream fall it would prolly look nice in the winter, but the point is IVE SEEN it before. Now before i get ahead of myself I am in love with Expresses cropped leather Jackets, but its NOT a good investment, I cant even where them now, because its hot in the day and freezing at night. O well, maybe next year. Im just a little disapointed because i waited all summer for fall excitement thinking OUT WITH THE OLD IN WITH THE NEW. but it looks like ill be at forever 21 for now, at least they have nice creams and browns.

see for yourself http://www.express.com/home.jsp

uu are what uu eat.

SO. this was dinner. spinach and pasta with garlic oil. There is so much plate left.

3 hours later & I still feel like my stomach is poking out over my jeans.

Maybe thats because i ate 2 more plates of this stuff.
No more red meat or pork for me.. i wonder how well ill do when i smell fried chicken or see a hamburger from 5 guys. Some people enjoy the fact that they can enjoy greasy, fatty f00ds. but you will pay for it later.(FAQ) am i jealous? Just read my 1st blog, yea that should explain what i mean.

Runnin Scared?

WOW. so i woke up rather late today, mainly because i didn't go to sleep until 2sumthin. It was odd because even tho my boyfriend had fell asleep (on the phone) i still decided to keep the phone pressed to my ear for at least a half hour listening to him breath heavily into the phone. T0 me, that seemed better than conversation..neways i was waken up by a text message at noon telling me to wake up and go run, i was feeling like shit, and so i did just that. My 30 minute warm up at the house almost ended up being my complete work out !! 25 push ups and 20 min of vigorous stretching had me beat. I looked around at my lazy family members and that was enough motivation in itself so i grabbed some freezing cold water from the fridge, my little sisters ipod and headed out the door. For a moment i thought that maybe i should get a membership to a gym and look at hot guys instead of the ground. But that is SUCH a bad idea after todays run, i ran around not 1 but 2 lakes and enjoyed the company of geese, ducks and squirrles. To bad they cant say the same. They humored me because i actually wanted to interact with them, ya know throw them some bread or something, but they were just annoyed with me, i thoght that they would get used to me running around in circles over an over. but no. they would hiss and waddle and go running scared every single lap. I enjoy there company but they dont enjoy mine ! I mean if only they knew that i chose to run with them today instead of sweaty guys at the gym, then maybe they would feel special and not hiss at me so loudly. I was only out there for an hour and once i took the ipod from my ears i sat on a picnic table and thats when i took that picture above, theres another lake not pictured, that i would also run around. I wanted to take pics of the baby geese but i was interuppted by this hot..not hawt, but hot n sweaty guy, who approached me and asked me for my name and blah blah blah, i told him that i had a date with the ducks today and if he wanted to go and meet hot n sweaty women he should go to the gym.


as im running im lisening to RoyskoPP
ill blog about them another time, but in the mean time in between time here.
http://www.Royksopp.com

no refunds, maybe exchanges

Refund- to give back

so as i lay here almost in the nude enjoying some pineapple juice and browsing www.streetfashion.com my grandfather calls, which was unexpected because we never talk.. unless my mother shuvs the phone in my face. He has cancer now, and we still never talk. He tells me how aging sucks and he hates is. He cant remember where he puts things, and walks into a room and forgets why, schedules dates with the devil.. also known as doctor appointments to here nothing but bad news. i feel bad. i guess for him and myself. (FAQ) Can we stop it? Dying young will do the trick, but wait, not if you want to see your kids kids. We cant give this body back, we only get one. No refunds, maybe exchanges.. in a strange surgical way. Maybe ill just go green, ya know VEGAN. I was a vegetarian for 6 months and i was extremely thin. I weighed in at 121lbs and my diet consisted of vegetables, water, rice, juice and not to mention tons of coffee and cigarettes. I don't want to ever call my grandchildren who i NEVER talk to and say what he said to me. I mean he did put this whole one life to live thing in perspective. so i guess tomorrow is day one of my permanent diet. I'll start fasting for a few weeks to get my mind and body mentally prepared for this dramatic change. Ive got to do something because calling and scaring the living life out my babies babies, just doesn't sit right with me. its just not how i want to be remembered.

ohyea